Time doesn't stand still.

My best friend now has a girlfriend. That fact alone doesn't bother me. I spent one day being jealous and that was all it took. Now I'm fine...sort of. I mean, once I got past the fact that I found out on facebook (where I'm now expected to get all important information from). See, we went from talking every day to whenever it was most convenient for both of us. Translation: Our relationship has been reduced to a few texts a week. Maybe an email sent from me to him. And that was before he started dating this girl.

The biggest adjustment will be not being that person he wants to tell things to, or the person he wants to call right away when something exciting happens. That is the part I really really hate. I've gotten so accustomed to hearing all about his day to day life. And he's still the one I want to call up and to talk about my life. He has no idea that I've been on six dates with three different guys in the last two weeks, and that makes me sad. I want him to know stuff like that. But he rarely even asks about my life anymore so...I will just have to get used to this new relationship we have.

He's happy though. Really really happy. I've been trying to find something that would make him happy for quite a while now. If only I had known what it would take, perhaps I would have found him a girlfriend myself...or maybe not. I'm selfish. I don't share well. I'm used to either having something or giving it up all together. Maybe if I wasn't in school. Maybe if life was less stressful. Maybe if time would just slow down...

I am quickly learning that life does not sit around and wait for you to be comfortable with it. I will work even harder to balance my life, and learn to do it on my own. And no matter what happens in the next few weeks of my life, I wish him all the best. Sincerely.

This will be short and sweet. I just need to write down what a friend just told me and my thoughts concerning the matter. This friend pointed out during a conversation a point at which I began rambling on and on without ever saying anything...a rather frequent occurrence these days. He told me I'm trying to be too diplomatic. He guessed that I knew what I wanted to say I was just thinking too much about how to say it.
The truth is that I had already identified over-thinking as a probable component to my meaning-less chattering. I just had no idea which part of my speech I was analyzing before I spoke. But I edit what I'm thinking and it comes out not making much sense at all.
This goes hand in hand with another problem I have. I like to make people happy. So if I'm trying to talk and I want to make a person happy it is hard to say what I'm really thinking. Instead I dress it up with unrelated words and phrases so that I feel like I got my thoughts out in the world while leaving the other person so confused they definitely cannot be offended. It makes me feel like a contributing member of society.
So while analyzing the way I translate my thoughts into words I realized something very important that may only make sense to me. That is...

I'm happiest when I'm arguing.

Change must come...this time definitely for the better.

It's about time I started my own blog. I plan to use it when I am tempted to say something I should keep to myself. I thought about making it private, but if someone stumbles across it and can learn what not to say to other people, then perhaps I will feel a little less bad about myself. When my little brother asked me today why I was upset with myself, I replied "Because the ridiculous, emotional, can't-keep-her-mouth-shut,

girl part of me that has to create drama when there is none has crept out of me." Now I'm starting this because I already leaked thoughts that should have been sealed in my head tighter, but when the urge comes again...when I feel myself losing all rational thinking, I will come to this new place of refuge and write it here.